Book Review: Two Vampire Novels

Image Credit: Goodreads

I did a semi-live blog of Team Human on Facebook recently, but I'll recap the gist here: Team Human is the Twilight antidote I didn't know I needed. For starters, the title. For seconds, the tagline: Friends Don't Let Friends Date Vampires. For thirds, this line: "A vampire who wants to go to high school?... That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

I enjoyed it for Mel's snark and for the perhaps-racist vampires (200 years of life doesn't prove you're not a bigot), but mostly for the way it wrestles with the question of how to deal with a friend making bad decisions when there's nothing you can do to stop them. Consent and self-determination are addressed extensively here – huge after Twilight's "I like to watch you sleep" bullshit – and in her attempts to save her best friend, Mel doesn't handle everything gracefully. Mel and her two female friends, Cathy and Anna, all react in different – and believable ways – to Mr. Handsome Vampire's presence in their school. And the eyeroll treatment that teen girl + mysterious vampire receives is hilarious.

Image Credit: Amazon

In contrast to Team Human, Claudia Gray's Evernight is the Twilight inversion that let me down. SPOILERS AHEAD.

Bianca has just transferred with her teacher parents to a boarding school which helps vampires readjust to humanity's ever changing concept of "normal."  Although this time it's a vampire school with a few humans in it, instead of the other way around, and Bianca – not her love interest Lucas – is the vampire, all the Twilight nonsense of "But it's for your own good!" carries on with a charming side of "You shouldn't trust anyone (except me)." At one point a side character, Raquel, tidily ticks off the warning flags for why Bianca should run from Lucas as far and fast as she can: starting fights, insisting that he is "protecting" her from non-threats, attempting to isolate her from support networks and loved ones. These are all real signs and elements of abusive relationships. I was excited – a vampire book addressing what healthy relationships are? Two in a row? Hooray!

Aaaaaand then Gray blithely handwaves away all of this as "He was just trying to protect me!"

Needless to say, I will not be reading any more of the Evernight series.

Singing a Novel in Blues

I recently read The Underneath by Kathi Appelt. It was, as most books are (at least in part), a story about relationships, the family you're born with, the family you make, friendship and love. This story is set in the bayous of Eastern Texas (I hadn't realized before this that Texas had bayous at all, though after looking at a map, I feel like I should have figured that out long ago.) and the stories of family and friendship are played out through an abused dog, an abandoned cat and her kittens. I truly enjoyed the book and so when I trotted off to find a link to it, I decided to take a look at what other people had to say. Some loved it, others found it mediocre. But what surprised me were the most negative reviews. Those readers complained that the book was insufferably slowed by repetition, annoyingly full of lists and, according to a few readers, "condescending."

I know interpretation is a personal thing and so on, but I think a lot of the people irked by the book are missing something. They're reading the text as words on a page, instead of hearing the story, either in their minds or spoken aloud. See, The Underneath is a pretty good book on paper, but when you read it aloud, it becomes amazing. It's full of myths and folktales (I'm going with 'folkmyths' for the rest of this post, because they both seem to be present) and draws on blues music so heavily that with only minimal work, you could probably turn this novel into a (long) song. These are the things that stayed with me through this novel, so they're the ones I'm going to discuss.

If you read The Underneath aloud, the traditions Appelt draws on show up in full force, both the Blues and folkmyths. The blues in particular are explicitly invoked early on, when Ranger's song draws the calico cat to him:

Oh, I woke up on this bayou,
Got a chain around my heart,
Yes, I'm sitting on this bayou
Got a chain tied round my heart...

This kind of repetition is present throughout the whole novel. The stories in it are told and re-told like the song - each iteration is like the others, but not quite the same. Something is added or altered - little details from before become whole stories in their own right; another character retells an earlier story. Bit by bit, the story grows.

In the reviews I read, Appelt's tendency to list things (particularly trees) draws frequent criticism. I can see where the impatient reader might find these lists tedious, but they add to the melodic tone of the book and again draw on a common feature of folkmyths and fairytales. Medieval tales in particular feature extensive lists¹ while Grimm's Fairytales (the unaltered versions) are full of repetition.² Appelt's listing of trees pulls from this tradition, but diverges from its typical use. Her lists of trees are not so much as list as an invocation: the trees are witnesses to the events of the bayou and Appelt calls on them to help tell the story. As the tale says, "Trees are the keepers of stories." One loblolly pine becomes a character in its own right. The novel tells/sings its entire life story, from a tiny seed to a lightning struck, hollowed out trunk, to its final end when it falls into the bayou, abandoned by its branches and roots.

Appelt even finds a way to turn this invocation and repetition into one of the most familiar elements of any fairytale: "A tree's memory is long, stored in its knots and bark and pulp. Ask the trees and they will take you back a thousand years...." Now perhaps this is just me, but that sounds like a tree's version of "once upon a time."³

The repetition in this novel, with the traditions of blues music and folkmyths behind it, helps pull a sweet story about a makeshift family of animals into the realm of the folkmyths it draws upon. I can see how this reiteration could frustrate those who like faster-paced stories, but it is not condescending. If anything, it is the reverse: the Appelt clearly expects her audience to understand the traditions upon which she is drawing and to see how they add to the story.

And to all those frustrated by the repetition and pace, I really do suggest that you try reading the story aloud. It's an entirely different experience.



1) You haven't read a list until you've read the Mabinogion or Sir Gawain and the Green Knight. Half a dozen trees have nothing on a list of all the knights with all their abilities, the names of their fathers, horses, swords and dogs. Sir Gawain and the Green Knight has a particularly lengthy section on a feast, listing off all the foods eaten, what they were served on (particular mention is made of the eating utensils) and how the feasting hall was decorated while the Mabinogion has a list of knights ("The Catalog of Arthur's Companions") that goes on for several pages including such names as "Sight, son of Seer," "Boar, son of Restless" and "Watch, son of Watch-dog.")

2) "The Twelve Dancing Princesses" is a particularly striking example of this kind of repetition. Nearly everything happens in threes.

3) There is an entire essay - and a lengthy one at that - waiting to be written about the bayou/setting (trees included) as a character in this novel, but I will leave that to someone else.

Links for the interested to the book's page on Goodreads and on Amazon.

Tweet for Literacy - Stories are important (for everyone)

Ms. Twitter UK (for August 2009), Rebecca Woodhead, pointed to Twitter's ability to bring a social element to reading and writing. And today, Cory Doctorow illustrated her point beautifully. Patti Smith, who teaches visually impaired kids, wrote to him to thank him for making one of his novels available as an e-book and licensing it under the Creative Commons license. She turned it into a book in Braille.

Books in Braille seem to be widely available in two genres: little kid's books and Serious Classic Works. Obviously, that leaves a huge gap and it's likely to leave the blind or visually impaired out in the cold when it comes to literature. It's not just that teachers see this as a problem - Smith's students want to read, but there's very little YA literature available in Braille. Stories are important and to my mind, the only thing worse than someone who doesn't care about reading is someone who wants to read, but is, in some way, prevented from doing so. The good news? Three cheers for the internet! Cory Doctorow posted in his blog and tweeted about the issue and so another author, Paula Johansen, sent some of her work as e-books to Patti Smith. Hopefully more authors will follow suit, because everyone deserves to have stories.

Relevant links, for the interested:

Cory Doctorow's Post & Tweet
Word Nerd Army Issue 7: Twitter Brings a Social Element to Reading and Writing
Word Nerd Army Issue 10: Stories are Important

And something I can and will plug at every opportunity: The Literacy Site Seriously, you click a button on a website once a day and a kid gets a book. Easiest way to support literacy ever.

EDIT: If you want to help with textbooks (apparently fiction is not on the agenda unless in an academic anthology), check out Recording for the Blind and Dyslexic and consider volunteering if you can get to one of their training centers.[full post]

Carol's Guide to "No Really, You Can Cook for Cheap." Part One

I'm writing this because not enough people "get" cooking. It's some weird, strange thing that happens in other people's homes or that Mom does and it's probably a little scary. Except that it's not that hard. Now, how-to articles and recipes aren't hard to find online. But there are things no one ever thinks to tell you: what's the bare minimum equipment that you need? Which foodstuffs qualify as kitchen staples and which ones are on a buy-as-needed basis? And how do you pick your spices?

This series was inspired partly by the fact that my father won a "have someone come cook in your home" dinner that was decidedly mediocre and partly by Evelyn Raab's wonderful book, Clueless in the Kitchen. Tonight's dinner was really a wake-up call for me. A steamed chicken and potato dinner with some onions thrown in for flavor is a learning experience for someone? Of course I'm well aware that some people just don't cook, but the idea that someone would consider a basically unseasoned steamed dinner something new and tasty? I was stunned.

As for Clueless, I feel that Raab tends to include a bunch of things that aren't really necessary and she tends to neglect the 'why' when she says which things are. The same goes for a lot of "get started cooking sites" like this one (you don't actually need a sifter, they're just occasionally useful). I still heartily recommend buying Clueless in the Kitchen or checking it out from your local library, if for no other reason than I can't beat her explanation of how to chop up different veggies and decide which kind of rice you need. Also, she teaches you how to unclog your sink. And I will not.

Part One: But What am I Supposed to Cook It In?

With some decent supplies, anyone can hack their way through cooking, learn by trial and error and make every subsequent post I'll write on the subject irrelevant.

Unfortunately, this also tends to be the most expensive part of the whole endeavor. Raid your local thrift store and rummage sales for as many of the following items as you can. Stalk your local ads/Craigslist/whatever to get the rest on sale. If you've got a handy local college, see what you can salvage as people move out at the end of the semester or year.

- 1 or 2 good knives. Some people recommend a paring knife (2.5-4in blade) but I find that the blades are too short for my taste. I recommend what's usually called a utility knife (get a sturdy one) with a 4-7 blade. Paring knives are good for detail work, but if you're trying to cook for cheap, you're probably not going to be de-veining too many shrimp. If you can afford a chef's knife and/or a bread knife, go for that, too. A good knife is worth the money, so invest in something of decent quality. (Not to say that you have to buy the most expensive thing in the history of the universe, but don't skimp either.) A larger serrated knife is helpful, but if need be, you can fake it with a sharp, serrated table knife.

- 10" frying pan. You can get bigger or smaller if you think you'll need it, but a 10" frying pan is pretty dang multi-purpose and is probably what you'll use most for day-to-day stuff.

- A 2-3 quart pot. Again, multi-purpose. It won't handle anything enormous, but it'll probably take care of your day-to-day soup/pasta/etc. needs.

- 2 spatulas. You need two of these because there are two different kinds: the kind sometimes called a "turner" and the kind sometimes called a "plate scraper" or "rubber spatula." The first is the version with a long handle and a flat thing at the end for turning over pancakes or eggs or anything else you may have in your frying pan. The second is the kind with a flexible rubber head, excellent for scraping out mixing bowls, measuring cups or whatever else you can think of.

- 1 or 2 cutting boards. Get a big one and a small one, if you can manage it. If not, get something medium-sized and wash it between rounds of cutting stuff. In general but especially if you're only getting one of these, it needs to be plastic. Wooden cutting boards can be nice, but if you cut raw meat on them, they turn into a breeding ground for germs and you will die a horrible death may get really sick. Don't do it.

- Measuring spoons and cups. Measuring cups come in two kinds: dry and wet. It doesn't particularly matter what kind of dry measuring cups you get as long as you get them in 4 sizes: 1 cup, 1/2 cup, 1/3 cup and 1/4 cup. For the wet measuring cup, the important thing is to get something microwave-safe. I prefer 2 cup measures, but it's not terribly important as long as it's 1 cup or larger and you can heat it up. Measuring spoons, again, shouldn't be expensive. Get the cheapest ones you can find - sizes should go from 1/4 teaspoon - 1 tablespoon

- Long-ish wooden spoon. Have at least one of these for stirring hot things. Wooden spoons may scorch, but since they aren't made of metal and thus don't conduct heat, you won't get scorched. These will also keep your hands away from steam and hot oil and anything else that's likely to hurt. Some people will add slotted spoons here, too. I'm not sure they're essential, but they're great for getting food without scooping up oil or water as well.

- Air-tight containers. These should hold your flour/rice/sugar/chocolate chips and they're very important because they keep out bugs and mice and anything else that would otherwise make your food unfit for consumption. Metal Boy Scout popcorn containers (or similar things) work well and you can frequently get them for next to nothing at thrift stores. Plastic bags do not: most animals can still smell the food inside and they'll chew through the bag to get at it.

- Baking pan. These come in all sorts of sizes, but 9x13 is standard for a lot of recipes, so if you can only get one, this is it. Good for everything from brownies to lasagna. If you can get two, an 8x8 or 9x9 should be your next choice.

- Large mixing bowl. A lot of recipes call for two mixing bowls, a larger one and a smaller one, but you can usually fake the smaller one in a mug or a bowl or that wet measuring cup up there. It's hard to fake the large mixing bowl, though, so pick one up. Aim for something in the 4 quart range - anything that can withstand a bit of a beating should do. Something that can go in the microwave or oven is a plus - it can double as a baking dish.

- Strainer or colander. Self explanatory. You can use these to drain pasta and wash fruit or, if you get one that can fit in your pot, use them to steam rice or veggies.

- Can opener. Unless you're making everything from scratch, you'll probably have to open a can at some point.

- Aluminum foil. Wax paper is useful and plastic wrap is good for covering up leftovers, but you probably really will need aluminum foil. It's actually probably the single most useful cooking tool for a college student, especially those without kitchens. If you have aluminum foil and a coffee pot, you can make something (this is especially excellent for hot sandwiches; I don't recommend this for anything involving raw meat, though), wrap it up in aluminum foil and use the coffee pot's heater as a hot plate. It can take plastic wrap's place and cover up leftovers. It can wrap up your lunch so you can take it with you. About the only thing it can't do is go in the microwave. Don't try that one.

- Cookie sheet. There are ways to get around this. If you don't bake, you may be able to get away without one and if you do, but can't get one, you may be able to "fake it" by turning the 9x13 pan upside-down, covering it with aluminum foil (if it's glass) and cooking on top of that instead. But a cookie sheet is pretty useful and they're usually not terribly expensive.

- A whisk. Okay, this isn't absolutely necessary, but it's really, really incredibly useful. Anything that's liquid-y that needs to be mixed together thoroughly will be easier to manage with a whisk. Get a medium sized one and whomp your food into submission.

And a few things that you don't need but are really nice to have anyway:

- Vegetable peeler. You can do this with a knife if you have to, but it's much easier to peel things this way.

- Grater. One of these can grate cheese or carrots or pretty much anything else you can think of. It'll save you money in the long run, when you'll be able to buy a chunk of cheese and grate it yourself instead of forking over extra money for something that's been pre-packaged.

- Ladle. Easiest way to get soup or stew out of a pot without eating from it directly, but you can fake this with a mug or liquid measuring cup.

- Loaf pan. If you need to, you can bake whatever you would put in a loaf pan in your 9x13 pan or a glass casserole dish, if you have one, and in a pinch, you might be able to throw something in a pot and put that in the oven. (Maybe. Depending on your pot. And even then, I wouldn't recommend it.) But for whatever reason, eating brownie-shaped bread just isn't the same. If you don't plan to ever bake anything but biscuits and bar cookies, though, don't bother.

- Microwave-safe containers with lids. These things are wonderful. Throw any leftovers in them, seal them up and toss them into the fridge overnight and then throw them in the microwave when you want to heat them back up. Make a huge batch of something when you have time, parcel it out into single serving portions, freeze and grab one of these out of the freezer when you have to eat and run. It makes taking food with you on the go much easier. It makes defrosting easier. It makes a lot of things easier. If you can find these and they're in your budget, get some.

That's about as bare bones as you can get while still having something to work with. If you work long days and don't have time (or energy) to cook, crock pots can be useful. They're not always cheap, though, especially good ones. If you need one but it doesn't fit into the budget, you may have to ask for one as a present or stalk a thrift store until one shows up.

There's a whole slew of other things - skillets, dutch ovens, roasting pans and more - that you might find useful, depending on what you cook and the appliances available to you, but I've tried to keep this list as universal as possible. Is there any cooking equipment I haven't listed that you absolutely can't live without?